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Rubin (ned), my mate the 2011 Trek Mamba

Rubin is a good kid. Rubin and I ride on the narrow asphalt drive way near my home. We ride in ditches, puddles, and make other pedestrians feel uncomfortable. Some of our activities include attempting wheelies, riding on private property, riding in the middle of the street, and riding through access/flood pipes in construction sites under Memorial Drive. There is a fancy hotel near my house called the Houstonian. I sneak it there and ride on the carpeted paths in the middle of the forest, it's always wet and there is a really steep part. It's cool though I wave at the guests and maintenance staff. There is also a fancy gated neighborhood next to my neighborhood monitored by the POPO (not Templar Security) but the actually HPD. I always would go in there because there is hills and nice cars. In the past, it was easy to enter, I would just walk through the unlocked gate door and ride away in happiness while I ate my dreamsicle. Then, one day I tried riding in and the POPO lady almost had a panic attack and stage 11 seizure "WHAT YOU BE DOING YOU DONT LOOK LIKE YOU LIVE HERE WE DONT ALLOW BIKE WHOA WHOA GO BACK TO YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD WE DON'T LET VISITORS IN AHA AH AHAHA HAHA AH AHAH AH GRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!! So that was the end of the fun for about three months. Then one day I decided I needed to return, riding to the gas station and back just wasn't cutting it. I decided to go through a big metal gate and parking garage arm (the kind that swings in and out) So I followed a car in through the metal gate and the second gate's arm fell onto my head. I'M FREAKED OUT. "Shit" I proclaimed. This place is loaded with security cameras and popo by the way. I thought the police would see me break the arm and through me in the slammer. I was panicing, I spent an hour just riding around in silence hiding from pedestrians. I felt like El Chapo sneaking out of the prison and walking right through the guard's office. I tried jumping fences and exiting through people's backyards and the custodians store house. Eventually I knew I would just have to ride through the front gate. I was so scared. I knew that Joe Biden stays in this neighborhood when he visits Houston so I didn't know what type of high security anti-invader cyber-warfare shit I was up against. I was imagining snipers, road blocks, barricades, police with pistols kneeling behind doors. Black Suburbans with tinted windows and flashing blue and red lights. I expected a swat team, maybe a helicopter or two and that Popo lady with a loaded assault rifle pointed right at my forehead. Nothing. Bloody nothing. I was kinda disappointed actually. I just rolled right through the exit. I was overcome with a feeling of pride (I had just breech for the 5th time the levels of security that the Vice President of the United States of America trusts his life on) and guilt (I thouht I had broken something). Once I was out the gate I FUCKING BOLTED OUT LIKE THE MOST OVERCARBED GAZELLE -ASS MUTHAFUCKER ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH. I'M DASHED OUT, I WAS POPPING WHEELIES, OUT THE SADDLE, COPPING AIR AS I FLEW OVER BUMPS IN THE SIDEWALKS, LIKE TWO WHEELS IN THE AIR SHIT. WOW THE ADRENALINE AND PLUS I WAS LATE HOME BUT I DIDN'T CARE. THAT'S PROLLY THE MOST INSANE SHIT I'VE EVER PULLED OFF. update: It has been about 7 months since I successfully breached the Stablebrook community. On a recent reconosanse mission I noticed the neighborhood had one again upped its security system. Now there are huge red signs that read, "NO TRESPASSING, NO SOLICITING, RESIDENTS ONLY, VIOLATORS WILL BE PERSECUTED AND CHARRED."

Frame:
The frame is aluminum. Unfortunately, there is a crack in the frame. This tragedy occurred when I had the seat tube extended to the maximum limit, I was sitting on the very back of the saddle and drove over a curb. crack.

Fork/Headset:
The fork's name is Ted and he isn't very good at eating soup. The headset is also called Ted. So there is a set of Teds on my bike. A "Ted-set and a head set." that rhymes

Crankset/Bottom Bracket:
NAH, I'M AT THE TOP OF THE BRACKET

Pedals:
They fell off.

Drivetrain/Cog/Chainring/Chain:
THEY XT SO YOU KNOW IT'S LIT

Derailleurs/Shifters:
I'M OFF THE RAIL BOI

Handlebars/Stem:
THE STEM IS HARD

Saddle/Seatpost:
I'M OUT THE SADDLE

Brakes:
TIGHT

Front Wheel/Hub/Tire:
DON'T VISIT THAT WEBSITE

Rear Wheel/Hub/Tire:
DON'T VISIT THAT WEBSITE

Accessories:
I COP MY DROPS ON NASHBAR.COM

More Info:
MY BIKE PUKES IN THE FACE OFF ALL THE OTHER BIKES.

Added by 29-INCHES-DEEP. Last updated over 2 years ago.

7 Comments

walmartmoutainbike

walmartmoutainbike says:

Alexeis*

Posted over 2 years ago

29-INCHES-DEEP

29-INCHES-DEEP says:

wow, what an impressive rig and setup

Posted over 2 years ago

29-INCHES-DEEP

29-INCHES-DEEP says:

Alexice, we love you.

Posted over 2 years ago

29-INCHES-DEEP

29-INCHES-DEEP says:

Wow this is so hot, don't let people put you down. I wish I could be as attractive as you. I hope you are flattered. Qué Lindo, love from Brazil.

Posted over 2 years ago

29-INCHES-DEEP

29-INCHES-DEEP says:

walmartmountainbike was there.

Posted over 2 years ago

29-INCHES-DEEP

29-INCHES-DEEP says:

This beautiful piece was conceived in the mountains of Beñao, Cuba. What a trippy beautiful night. A great time for me to bond with my classmates.

Posted over 2 years ago

walmartmoutainbike

walmartmoutainbike says:

cache bici, chiao

Posted over 2 years ago