This Sunday, July 23, I'm going to get what will finally be my trusty ride. Will upload pics. Hopefully I'm not jumping the gun. Update: I backed out of this deal, happy and yet sad, for I do need a ride better than my routens to enjoy NYC. But happy because these days I am meditating a lot more and watching the little things transpire, the evening winds, the migration patterns of insects, etc., things in life better enjoyed while on foot. July.23, 2023-I went on foot toward the Williamsburg bridge to see if my object study series would hang well on a certain wall I had once seen beneath it, and along the way a little baby offered me a cheeto. Tuesday, July 25. Ghosted again by another bakery, my spirit is definitely taxed to the extreme. Walking into my apartment a robin dropped a worm in front of me and I thought of rescuing the worm. The robin and another watched from a few yards away. The worm squirmed weakly. I passed it by and as I did the Robin ran to it and finished it off. I felt like the heavens were ruining me in showing me the ugliness of this vicious wheel of fortune we know as life. Wanting to get reincarnated in Milan Italy, Mortis Vague bought a one way plane ticket from New York. Arriving in Milan a pretty young Italian woman working in the immigration booth asks Mortis Vague what his business is in Milan and the name and address of whom he will see. Mortis says his business is death. The woman looks into his eyes in question. Mortis says an old friend has died. She asks Mortis for the address and name of whom he will meet, and Mortis chooses a random street, random number, and makes up a name. As the story unfolds Mortis Vague undergoes mysterious and dark events but most importantly he finds himself on the street he pronounced to the immigration woman. Struck with wonder and then shaken with fear he sees there is in fact the house number he came up with. It is a gated apartment building and Mortis approaches the gatekeeper and asks if such a person inhabits the home by the name of that name he randomly fell upon in immigration, and the gatekeeper affirms that there is indeed such a person here, and asks if Mortis would like to have him beckoned. Aug. 6, 2023. My manipulative senior landlord has forgotten about 300 dollars that belongs to me, and it is quickly looming up into a pink elephant because the guy is so sickeningly evil I don't want to remind him. So it is like the beginning of Thus Spake Zarathustra when the tightrope walker is obstructed by a dancing devil. August 10, 2023. I have been taken by the sudden beauty found in the concept of 'crash landing'. August.15 As autumn overtakes me I will oftentimes fall asleep on the wayside of the road from work to home, through the forest, near the babel drum permanent industrial instrument. August 19., 2023. Arriving to the bakery at 11pm I saw the donut shop a block down the street was up in flames. Getting off my shift at 6 thirty or so in the morning I went to have a look and it was indeed the shop named Ugly Donuts. I thought to myself there is something here beneath the surface. Three apartments above it were gutted. In front of the store a man in a spectrum internet truck was busying himself on a tablet, I assume closing an account or something of the sort, bringing something to an end, tying an end off. August. 22, 2023- Another outing in Williamsburg has made me consider my paranoia to such an extent that I am left at the fount to that ancient quarry of the philosopher's in which man cannot posit an object outside of his own subject, therefore one cannot explicitly know if they are a target for secret governmental or other types of policing agents. Sep.02, 2023. I never thought my joy in life would be lost because of my inability to make a beautiful baguette. There is a tremendous amount of responsibility on me for the bakery and they are spreading rumors about me because of the terrible baguettes I make. September 5, 2023: the importance of the babel drum instrument in the playground on the edge of the forest is looming up in my unconscious as something having to do with my fate, destiny, and salvation. I did a google search for other such installations and came up with nothing. It would be nice to have a map of their coordinates. This morning I betook myself to Brighton beach for a dip in the sea. September 13, All that is left of my red routens is the bar and stem that I had welded into union. It was indeed stolen, but I feel its nearness and one day I know I will see her again. On top of that my pink routens sold back home. Currently in my state of exile I have been reduced to a willy's adult kick scooter. Sept. 16, 2023. When life gives you lemons, reject them, or else you will become merely an integer in the horrors of something automatic. Sept. 25, 2023: I don't want to read the biography of Mozart's golden decade. But neither did I want to read Coco Chanel's biography. In the end we applaud the work as work in itself. We shudder in awe that a human being would have spent his life making it one. And it is just that that is most stupefying, that the work is one. Where is the idea of it in actuality? Does it really capture time itself? Journal entry for Tuesday, sept. 26, 2023: the surest way to see if it is raining outside is to look at the puddles and see if there is the ripples, because the rain when it falls from the clouds would fall all at once if it could but the air is too thin, so it can only fall in drops of water that are round and circular resembling balls. These drops then fall through the air from the cloud toward the ground because they are heavy and when such drops find themselves hitting the surface of a puddle the puddle's strong surface undergoes a sudden force and this causes the ripple, because the puddle is not falling it is still. The puddle is still and not moving because it is a place on the ground where the water that has already fallen in drops of rain has found a spot to gather because the ground is too hard for water because water is not so hard as stone, and the planet earth is stone and water but water has to move from the dry places to the watery places. This way is better than the hearing way because the wind through trees makes the same noise as the drops of rain upon the ground, but they are not the same thing though the noise is similar there is no connection other than it is two things in collision. The observable phenomenon in itself is not the thing in itself though, it is only the remains of what has already happened and what is happening outside of our knowledge of it. October 21, 2023. I feel ostracized at the bakery by the other bakers who refuse to accept my way. No matter how one looks at it, in every circumstance we encounter to undertake something rather that is our will, and the means to the end are infinite though there is one end in sight. It can be argued the end too is infinite, but with bread the end is a loaf that has risen to maximum capacity. What they are disheveled about is that I pay attention to the breads amidst the baguette "time". I form the breads when they need to be formed, which means I have to leave baguettes, and this makes the other coworker completely mad. They have threatened me outright. I have spent so much thought in self discipline that I often relish in self destruction at the hands of my enemies, but consider this. I have had co workers tell me how to measure flour, that there is a first thing to do and last thing to do. Yet in reality it matters naught whether we measure here or there. In another job I was told how to measure the temperature of dirt, an old man told me that first I must scrap the minuscule top layer of the specimen off, then insert the node. But too, it makes no difference whatsoever, and yet these crocodiles give me the boot. Journal entry for October 24, 2023: I found a way to be quicker but they made themselves obstructions, and I am not paid for the extra hour, and thus am getting severely depressed again and am looking for a better job. This is the strangest thing of life's ways, ultimately can I even know myself to know my sense of justice? It is true I am superfluous. I would rush the sandwich baguettes into the proofer, then jump onto the five grains and use the water spray bottle instead of dousing the loaves, and these two changes that favored my overall performance caused my abjection from the team. The sadness of humanism is that each of them honor their hedonistic will though it is removed from truth. That they have found a manner to earn their living is not a virtue if that work is absurd. And yet, it is well to pass through these flames. Diary entry for October 31, 2023: I don't find the value in the possible art that I might create, my judgment coming forth from either the given, or my senses. That is to say from the age I live in or my emotions. There is the thought that if I had wealthy parents as a child I would find better subject matter, and only because I have had to struggle monetarily in the world my emotions are forever tainted. Then couldn't I be a Duchamp? A Francis Bacon, a Edgar Poe? Who knows. A plot of late that has taken my fancy is about a girl stricken with ill luck all her life, everything she does brings ill fortune to her family, town and state. Finally they send her overseas and think all is well but then she falls in love and brings her lover back to her town, where he promptly starts a revolution. Nov. 02, 2023. Diary entry: it has occurred to me the factor of truth hood is placed by the knowing the subject on the objective: thus we cannot know really if the person who walks into the shop is the famous person who it appears to be, in reality life is perpetual impersonation. November 7, 2023. I had a great, fantastic ride today. I took Myrtle all the way to the Manhattan bridge, early enough before all the trolls awake, made my way to the world trade centers, then to battery park and there, going around the tip of Manhattan, I sat on a bench overlooking the east river. The Brooklyn bridge was off to the left, Brooklyn Heights was across the river, and the helipad was nearest me. The tourist choppers coming and going, I ate a loaf of rye bread with caraway seeds and dried mulberries. I can't wait to try this recipe again, the mulberries and the caraway have an astonishing taste. November 12. "I'm not used to being so assaulted in such a way" "You have to call the police, get a restraining order, why don't you?" "Because the cocoon" "What?" "Ever since a cocoon appeared on the wall in my room" "What? You think it is because that?" "Yes" Diary entry November 29, 2023. Walking past a tree squirrel I took note of its hair along the ridge of its back, for it were nearly green. Then it bolted in typical squirrel fashion to the nearest tree trunk. Diary entry for December 3, 2023. I envision myself setting up a table in Chelsea where I will sell my self published book about a man dying of love who sees before he dies every minute thing in an incessant act of love and finally hears the oceans waves lapping the shore like his tongue were mingling with his lost love. The book opens with he and she in bed, then she leaves him with a mysterious motorcade of black suv vehicles with tinted windows. I then envision my career starting when the movie version wins at Sundance. Dec. 4: "Imagine if you locked me in the freezer, I would have to wait for a customer to order something so they would come in, and then what they order would eventuate a cycle of persuasions that would loom up in my unconscious"
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